Master snacker

This post will actually be about yesterday. Most of the evening I spent with my roomie, and she does not know about this blog (Secret Affair, remember?)...so I could not post until now.

Yesterday was bad. I was alone the bulk of the day because my roomie decided to brave the weather, but I did not. Alone all day when I can't go outside led to my secret expertise: snacking

I will break my 'Food' category down into smaller increments w/ short explanations for some of them:

Breakfast: 2 Buttermilk Eggo waffles. No toppings (syrup is yucky & I'm out of pb)

2nd breakfast: 2 more Buttermilk Eggo waffles (apparently the normal amount is too little for me :( )

Elevenses: a handfull of yogurt-covert pretzel balls

Luncheon: my white rice left over from Friday with soy sauce

Afternoon tea: 2 cups of Special K with skim milk

Dinner: 2 more cups of Special K with skim milk (this was when my roommate came home & I said I was having 'lunch' because, despite the names of these meals...most were eaten before ~4pm)

Supper: A Green Giant freezer meal. It was GOOD. Composed of edamame, legumes, green beans, and carrots in a light sauce (100 calories, yay)

I know there were at least 3 more handfuls of yogut covered pretzel balls during the day.

Now, in addition to my hobbit-named meals (yes, I stole them from LotR if you hadn't guessed), I spent the bulk of the day on my couch. Playing video games. Oh brother.

So yesterday was NOT full of joy & joyness, but rather laziness & bad choices. Plus, I did not get any work done for next week, so I also did not meet a goal that I made for the weekend.

On to today, I will post later about my food & activities...but my goal for today: dig out, get alllll my work complete, do sit ups or something to get my blood pumping, oh, & not eat too much chocolate (again, explain later)

Gotta love those UPs!

Today had its serious ups...and serious downs.

UPs: In 2 separate settings with 2 separate hot guys I had some fun conversations. Now, this is abnormal for me considering 1) I work in a environment that is heavy on the estrogen, 2) guys never look at me, and 3)I don't get out much. New place, new job, & an initially shy personality (until you get to know me that is...then I'm obnoxiously outgoing) makes it difficult to just walk into the local watering hole & find a friend, let alone a guy.

Regardless of my lack of social prowess, today I got to chat with 2 hotties! (and I actually instigated one conversation, win!) It helped make up for some of the rest of the day.

CONs: Work was a !*#$^ today. Enough said.

After work I was supposed to hang out with someone, waited around for an hour in my frigid car waiting & then heard that it was cancelled. After breaking the icicles off my nose I made a snap (bad) decision. And that leads me to:

FOOD: Oye.

(This is the part where I log all I've eaten)

-Let's start at the very beginning... Breakfast consisted of a mini-bagel, peanut butter, 1/2 an apple, about 8 grapes, and approximately 12 salted almonds. (Oh, and the coffee that helped prompt cutie conversation 1)

-Lunch was non existant. My lunchtime was eaten up (haha) by work. Actually I do remember a coworker bringing in beans/rice with chicken. I had a cup of it (though I think it belongs more under breakfast as I ate it early)

-Dinner was that snap decision that my partially frostbitten brain made. A full (albeit small) container of moo goo gai pan, 1 shrimp egg roll, and 8 steamed dumplings. Oh, and a Coke.

Now I'm not upset with myself for breakfast, or even for dinner (though I definitely should have cut the portions in 1/2 or thirds). What I'm mad at me about is lunch. What was I thinking? Skipping a meal is inviting bad decisions later on that are at least partially prompted by hunger!

Now, my normal struggle (as I mentioned yesterday) is with snacks & sneaking. Today I did relatively well. I think I just had a couple Kisses at work, and the rest of the Coke 2liter bottle (it only had about a glass left) after dinner.

However, TGIF! Goals for the weekend:

-get my work done early for next week

-work out somewhere, somehow (looking for a gym & a gym buddy)

-NOT be peeved all weekend about stupid stuff

-get prepped for no-chocolate Feb. (I'll explain later)

Expose the truth

The name of this blog is accurate.

Looking at me, you would think that my secret affair is not-so-secret (tipping the scales around 280 or so right now). However, those that know me have no clue about what happens behind closed doors.

Around others I eat like a fat person trying to lose weight...that is I try to make the right choices, say the right things, and only eat 1/2 or less of what is in front of me. I also blame my weight on a ridiculous belief that I cannot work out properly until I am trained on the machines for my safety (oh yeah, I went there). So to the people in my life, I am fat because I am just lazy...but I am trying! I am trying to eat right.

"I'm not a big chocolate fan." "I ate waaay too many strawberries last night." "Oh man, I should not have had that 6th bottle of water before driving a far distance!" "Can I have a salad with dressing on the side?" "Whew! I walked around my neighborhood forever last night, I'm beat!"

Oh yeah, I'm trying to change my life.

Until everyone leaves, my roommate is out, and I'm alone. Then out comes the other half of my dinner from the restaurant, the broiler popps on to heat a melted-cheese sandwich (yum), & the spoon dives into the ice cream/cookie dough/cake-pie-baked good or peanut butter...mmm peanut butter.

***

As a daughter of a grossly obese father, and a fat-thin-fat momma, I know this all started at a young age. My parents tried to help me, instructing me not to eat such & such, or this & that...but I could have been a full-fledged spy at 7 if the only spy work I did was filching food.

And the pattern began. Eat a 'normal' amount in public...and nab bits & bites all day, culminating in a scary amount of food going into a growing (at an alarming rate) girl.

***

My goal for this blog is to lay out my secret life. Because believe me, the world hears about it when I excercise, I do not need another audience for that (though you'll likely read it...I like to share). However, I need to tell someone the truth about it all.

And so, welcome to the ongoing tabloid exposing the sordid details of my no-longer secret affair with food.